45 Thoughts You Have When You Fall In Love With A Stranger In Public
2. Oh no.
3. Oh my god.
4. OK. It’s happening. This is happening. This is really happening.
5. I know it’s 8 a.m., and I’m on a crowded train with 500 sweaty, disgusting monsters, but he’s like the hottest person I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
6. I know I say this about a different person every morning, but I really mean it this time. He is the hottest person I have ever seen out in the real world. This is it. He’s the one.
7. Why have we never met before? Why have I been living my life surrounded by scum when this perfect specimen was out there waiting for me to find him?
8. Fuck. His clothes really fit. Like. Those pants just really fit. I bet he picked them out himself. I bet he even tried them on in the store before he bought them like a normal person because he has his life so together.
9. Oh god. Oh god, his shirt looks really good too. I bet he ironed it. I bet he totally ironed it. He probably spent like 45 minutes this morning planning out his outfit and making sure he looked really good. Not in a weird, vain, into-himself way, just an I-wanna-look-nice-for-everybody way. God. He is so thoughtful.
10. Are those…oh no. Those are biceps. I can see his biceps. I bet he went to the gym this morning. I bet he woke up early and everything. Ugh. I probably have cream cheese on my face and he just got out of the gym. And then he put on those pants.
11. I bet he got up early and made himself coffee in his fancy French press and peeled an orange and a little bit of the orange juice squirted onto his face and he wiped it off and then smirked to himself and then he ate it and then drank his French press coffee and then went to the gym. Fuck.
12. Ugh. He has great skin. I bet he moisturizes like crazy. He probably just moisturized. He probably showered at the gym and then fixed his hair and then shaved and then moisturized.
13. I wonder what kind of underwear he’s wearing.
14. Oh god. He’s smiling. He’s smiling to himself. ALERT. WE HAVE A SMILE. HE’S CAPABLE OF EMOTION. OH GOD.
15. I bet he just thought of a joke. I bet he’s so funny. I bet all his friends think he’s the funniest guy in their group. I bet he smiles at his office and everybody already starts laughing cause they know he’s about to tell a really great story.
16. Fuck. His teeth are so good. I bet he flosses after every meal. I bet he doesn’t even bleed at the dentist. I bet his dentist is like, “You have the best teeth I have ever seen in my 35 years as a professional dentist.” And then the dentists asks him for tips on how to get his teeth to look better.
17. I bet he hugs his dentist good-bye. I bet he hugs everybody good-bye.
18. I bet he gives great hugs. Warm, hugs where his arms really cling to you, and then he pats the perfect number of times.
19. His breath probably smells so good too.
20. His entire body probably smells good.
21. His pillows probably smell great.
22. Maybe if I get close enough, I can smell him.
23. Nope. No. He saw me. He saw me shift and he probably saw some of the cream cheese on my face.
24. Ugh. He is so cute, though.
25. I bet he calls his mom all the time. Not like a creepy number of times, but, like, the perfect amount of times a guy should call his mom. I bet she has a cute nickname for him too.
26. She would like me. She would have a cute nickname for me too.
27. She’ll help us plan the wedding, obviously. I’ll just have to make it clear from the beginning that I’m not interested in her running everything. We’ll split the planning evenly. Or mostly evenly. She can pick the side dishes we’ll eat at the reception.
28. Oh god, I bet he looks so great in a suit. I bet he looks perfect in a little bow tie.
29. His tailor is the luckiest person alive. His tailor probably goes home at night and writes in his journal about how he got to make a suit for this perfect man.
30. I should be a tailor.
31. Fuck. He moves his lips while he reads. Oh god. It’s so cute that he does that. I bet he’ll read to our children. I bet he’ll read to them every night and do the voices and everything. And he’ll keep reading until the book is finished even after they’ve fallen asleep. And then he’ll kiss them on the cheeks. And I’ll just be standing in the doorway, crying to myself, because our life will be so perfect.
32. Oh no. Oh no, he has reading glasses. FUCK, THAT IS ADORABLE. How is he hot AND cute all in one? THIS MAN WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME.
33. I bet he’s listening to some kind of love ballad on his phone too. He probably just reads and listens to love ballads every morning on the train, oblivious to his own perfection.
34. I bet he likes dogs. I bet he doesn’t have a dog, but really wants a dog, so he acts super cute around every dog he sees in public. I bet he does the thing where he gets down on one knee so he’s closer to the dog while he pets it. And he smiles a lot while he does it.
35. He has a nice work bag too. I bet he works at a fancy office and makes a bunch of money, but not in a pretentious asshole kind of way. He just works really hard and makes a lot of money.
36. I mean, I’d accept him no matter what he does. He could come home one night and tell me he wants to quit his job to pursue his art, and we’ll be OK. We’ll get through it. I just want what’s best for him. And I’d pet his beautiful hair and caress his cheek and he would look at me with his beautiful eyes and wouldn’t even say anything and we’d each just understand one another.
37. Fuck. The way he stands is so hot. It’s like he’s leaning against a tree in the middle of a forest on a cold, crisp morning, just leaning there, holding his coffee in a flannel shirt and his underwear.
38. Except he’s not in a forest. He’s surrounded by all these garbage people on the train. And he still looks so hot.
39. I bet he only has sisters and he’s really nice to all of them and buys them presents for no reason and so they always get excited when they see him because he probably has presents.
40. I bet he can sing. Not, like, professionally. But he’s probably just naturally good at singing and we’d go to karaoke and he would just kill it and then we would duet and then he’d give me flowers afterwards, cause he just sometimes brings flowers to karaoke.
41. Oh, god. He’s the one. He’s definitely the one. We haven’t even spoken yet and I just know.
42. I don’t wanna go up to him cause he’ll probably be scared by right we are we for one another. Gotta take it slow.
43. Oh no. OH NO. HE’S MOVING. HE’S GETTING OFF THE TRAIN. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THE LIFE WE HAD PLANNED TOGETHER IS SLIPPING AWAY.
44. Good-bye, my love. Good-bye, wedding we planned with your mother. Good-bye, three-week European honeymoon. Good-bye, children we read books to at night. Good-bye, laughter. Good-bye, bulging biceps. Good-bye, perfect, inspiring teeth. Good-bye, my sweet cupcake.
45. Hello, guy who was standing behind him this whole time. Where have you been all my life?