Calvin Harris Blocked Me On Twitter, So I’m The Real Victim Of His Breakup

The day Calvin Harris scorned me started off like any other day.

I came into work, caught a few Pokmon and wrote a couple of stories about celebrities being their celebrity selves.

Then,much to my (and my co-workers’) delight, Calvin Harris started going INon Taylor Swift on his Twitter account.

Hoo, boy. This was going be better than a soap opera. We just knew it.

Eagerly, I went to Calvin’s Twitter page so I could see what kind of drama he was dishing out to his ex-girlfriend.

Was he giving us the real storyon why they broke up? Was hechallenging Tom Hiddleston to a duel of the tall blonde dudes? Was he writing depressing, yet touching haikus?!

But instead of the answers to all these pressing questions, I saw only this:

At first, I didn’t understand. I thought to myself, “Maybe he regrets his tweets already? And instead of deleting them, he just shut down his Twitter?”

But as my co-workers excitedly read his tweets out loud to one another, the truth slowly sunk in:Calvin Harris had blocked me on Twitter.

My initial reaction was a mix of disbelief, amusement and pride.

I had no idea what I’d done to offend him. But honestly, I was thrilled he cared enough to block me.

I mean, Calvin Harris knows I exist! True: It seems like he kind of wishes that I didn’t exist.

But still. He knows I do!


That feeling was quickly followed by extreme FOMO.

I was missing out on all the good stuff. I needed to know the drama.

And, by the way, I missed out on a LOT. Calvin straight-up called Tay out for making him look bad as a PR stunt. He even brought up Katy Perry.

It was fire. I definitely recommend a dramatic reenactment at your next party.


Next, I felt confusion.

Seriously, what had I possibly done to him? Had I writtena mean sentence about him in an article? Did that mean Calvin Harris read my article?


After a bit of research, my best guess about what got me blocked is this tweet. It’s a joke I made back when we first got theHiddleswift news:

As you can see, although I didn’t tag him in the original tweet, I did in a reply.

It seems Calvin Harris isn’t an “Avengers” fan.


Then, I felt indignant.

C’mon, Calvin! Cut me some slack.

I was just trying to get people to like me by commenting on the relevant news of the day with one of those memes the kids like so much!


Finally, I feltregret.

Honestly, I kind of like Calvin Harris, and even more so after this Twitter rant thing.

He’s just a celebrity who got very publicly shit on by his ex, and so he blew off some steam on Twitter. I respect that.I don’t want Calvin Harris to hate me.

Obviously, I can’t apologize to him on Twitter. That ship has sailed. SoI sent him an apologyon Instagram, hoping he would see it.

And I supposeI might as well try once more.

So, Calvin, if you’re reading this, I’m very sorry I rubbed salt in the wound of your horrible breakup. Please unblock me on Twitter.

PS: Apparently, I’m not the only person Calvin has done this to?

Calvin, please let us back in.

Update, 4:40 pm: YOU GUYS!!! CALVIN UNBLOCKED ME!!!

I’d like to thank my co-workers, every person who reads this article, every person who like my tweets, but mostof all, Calvin.

Calvin, you believed in my potential and gave me a second chance. I won’t let you down this time.

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