Community Post: 40 Things We Learned From The Cornetto Trilogy

1. How to tell someone they’re bleeding

You never miss an opportunity to tell someone they are bleeding by telling them they have red on them. No matter how inappropriate pointing it out may be

2. Facist is the right answer to every crossword puzzle

From strangers doing the crossword on the train, to friends looking for help. No matter the clue, facist is ALWAYS the answer

3. You always drink stout on a night out

You don’t really like the taste of stout, but you drink it on everynight out. Just in the hopes someone mentions your creamy mustache

4. You have the perfect chat up line

What does a girl want. A drink? What’s the only thing she loves more than a drink? Being called the “C” Word

5. Speaking of Pints, Pints are ALWAYS the answer

Pints, just pints. They are the basis for every friendship. Life would be pointless without them

6. Every little village has a creepy secret

You don’t care how sleepy the place looks or how happy the people are. There is something sinister going on!

7. And you and your friends must find out what

Whatever the story is with this creepy place, you and your mis-matched friends will find out and save the day

8. Dalton is a badass

The creepy look he does when he’s next to his own photo. SO BADASS. That man is the coolest Bond, Roger Moore couldn’t carry off shop owner, former ballet dancer, cult leader like Dalton does

9. Sex in a bathroom is always a good idea

According to Gary King, everyone needs to have toilet sex. No matter how awkward asking may be

10. Swans are the devil and are not to be trusted

Evil, evil, majestic creatures

11. How to greet your friends

Preferably done while getting out of a car

12. How to deal with annoying people

whether drunken strangers on a night out or your little brother irritating you at the dinner table. Nothing says “Oh please go away and stop talking to me forever” Than “Jog On”. Add in the fingers and the fart noise for added effect

13. There’s nothing a cup of tea can’t fix

Tea solves all of life’s problems, even something as big as a Zombie Apocalypse

14. Your birthday is every year

Who knew it? Probably not wise to point it out to a disgruntled copper though

15. Yarp is a great alternative to yes

Yarp. Nick Angel discovered Narp is the negative form

16. People with Bluetooth headsets are annoying

Seriously? are hand free ear pieces still a thing?

17. How to go on a Pub Crawl

Gather some friends you haven’t seen in a long time and get plastered in your local village

18. Nothing beats a good Action Movie

Point Break and Bad Boys 2 are the greatest action films of all time. Everyone needs an action movie collection

19. Country people are hard to understand

“I does for this one” Sorry, What? Is it that you’re old or that you have a country accent? Someone get a translator

20. Never trust the Am Dram

Romeo and Juliet as you’ve never seen it before. It’s probably best to leave it to the professionals

21. Everyone hates an annoying laugh

Oh God Make it Stop

22. Jaguars are the best cars in the world

Nothing beats a Jag, beautiful, swift, handles well………..also effective in taking out Zombies

23. Blend in when you can

It may save your life and who wants to be an individual anyway?

24. How to throw a dirty look

Nobody says “Bitch Please” better than the Andys

25. You always want something from the shop

You always need something from the shop, usually a cornetto

26. Keep shut after you make a smart comment

Sometimes it’s best to be quiet when you’ve made a smart remark. No point digging a hole

27. There is only one Gary King

Legend doesn’t even cover it

28. Everyone needs a best friend

Your best friend is your best attempt of survival in this crazy, crazy world

29. Supermarkets can be dangerous

Be prepared for a throwdown at your local supermarket

30. Bill Nighy is not your Dad

He’s not your real Dad, but he was like your Dad, but now he’s a zombie. How sad

31. A witty comment is essential when taking down a criminal

Any action film fan worth his salt knows when taking down a Mo Fo you need a witty comment

32. Listen to the News

If the two boys had paid attention to the news the Zombies would never have got in.

33. Except the local reporter, who is probably an idiot

“he listed my age as 55, when I’m actually 53”. Idiot

34. You need to let go of the past

You may have been the coolest guy in school, but you’re an adult now, get over it. Get a job…………………… Something

35. Modern Art is usually rubbish

Either that or it’s more than likely trying to kill you.

36. Robot means Slave

I think android is more appropriate

37. Dylan Moran is a buzzkill when he’s sober

Seriously, fun free zone, please have a Whiskey Dylan. Please

38. Anyone can be a hero

Unsung heroes are awesome. Who doesn’t love an Average Joe saving the day?

39. Unattractive people are criminals

Being ugly makes you more likely to cover your face, making you more likely to rob a shop. You can’t argue with that logic.

40. And Finally, the best way to take a shortcut

“What’s wrong Danny? Never taken a shortcut before” When in doubt, Go over the fences. It’s always your best option

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